The winds of change swirl overhead. They move the clouds fast. Powerful. I feel it. His power. Our way of life crumbles around us as if dynamite blasts KA-BOOM. And yet…the fall out is blessing. This storm is not about destruction. It’s new road demolition. “I am doing a new thing. Now it springs forth. Do you not perceive it?…” He says. (Isaiah 43:19)
Yes, Father! Yes, I see it. Help me see more.
Leslee and I are in the middle of a huge life change at the moment. Recent events along with years of prayer and struggle have convicted us both to step out in faith. It is a 100% united step that involves selling our cows and saying goodbye to my husband’s dairy dream. It’s been tough for him to deal with even though he knows it’s the right move. In a way, dairy farming is a comfort zone for him (even though farming period is anything but safe). It’s hard for a farmer to look at everything he’s tried to do and build and not feel like a failure because no matter what, it just isn’t working. It requires too much. There are too many trade-offs he doesn’t want to trade. Too many fires to constantly put out that keep him from those things he deems essential: God, family, and a little fun from time to time.
However, I don’t look at this ending as a failure. At all. The dairy sustained our family for a season, but I think it was only the means to a journey. WE were the journey. I can’t express in words how much spiritual growth and progress has happened between the two of us since we had Taegan and embarked on a crazy road to a dairy farm in the middle of nowhere. That was the point. The kind of progress God wants. I don’t need much hindsight to see that. Sometimes the Lord needs to take us out to the wilderness to address the arid, dry places of our hearts…take us away from the system that distracts us from Him. I’m thankful for that because we were distracted. We simply didn’t realize it. The word “failure” doesn’t even enter my mind. Then again, maybe failure and progress go hand in hand more than we think.
I believe God is honoring our willingness to do this afraid. His tightly-wound, risk- managing, cautious son and daughter are open. They might be crazy throwing caution to the wind, but we feel like God is doing a proud, slow clap of approval. Nodding with a big grin–just like I would when one of my children finally “got it.” Obstacles have been removed. Opportunities have arisen. Good things have literally landed right in our laps. And we’re believing that He’ll take care of the things that still need taken care of (finding a buyer for our cows being our next hurdle). Do I know we’ll encounter road blocks? Sure. But, things fall into place with no drama when the Lord is making way and that’s how things have been of late.
All in all, the quote that convicted Leslee that this decision weighing heavy was the right one was this: “You’re not a failure when you can’t make things work. You’re only a failure when you stay in and continue to do what doesn’t work.” (The irony being that he read the quote in a dairy magazine. Coincidence? I think not. God is resourceful when it comes to confirmation of what He’s putting on your heart).
So, my resourceful, intelligent, hard-working husband has come to the end of himself and his resources without putting our family in dire straits we can’t dig out of. I’m thankful for that. And we look up for new direction, while keeping our heads down, focused, both of us believing for a better season ahead.
He’s doing a new thing. The older I get, the more I feel like I’m just along for the ride. But, that’s ok, Lord. Take us where you want us to go.
“…I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” (Isaiah 43:19)
Oh, how we long to see it.